By Karen McNenny
The metaphor of “packing the psychological parachute of divorce” captures the often uneven emotional terrain that partners navigate when their marriage ends.
In many cases, one partner is further along in processing the impending separation.
They have boarded the plane, ready for the jump, having already packed their psychological parachute. This parachute encompasses a range of practical considerations—where they will live, how finances will be managed, and what co-parenting will look like after the marriage ends.
For this person, the leap is inevitable, and they’ve mentally prepared themselves for the descent, hoping their well-packed parachute will ensure a soft landing. However, the other partner may be far behind in this journey. They may not have even considered the idea of divorce, let alone started to pack their psychological parachute.
While one spouse has been meticulously planning, perhaps running calculations and imagining life post-divorce, the other may still be trying to comprehend what’s happening. This difference in preparedness can create a significant emotional gap, one that’s important to acknowledge and navigate with care.
When one person is ready to jump and the other isn’t even at the airport, there’s a risk that the divorce process will be fraught with misunderstanding, resentment, and hurt. The person who is ready may be eager to move forward, to begin the logistical and rational work of dividing assets, arranging custody, and planning for the future. However, if they don’t consider their partner’s need to catch up emotionally, this eagerness can feel like a betrayal.
The partner left behind may feel blindsided, rushed, and overwhelmed—like being shoved out of the plane without a parachute. This is where the concept of compassion and grace becomes crucial. The partner who is further along in their journey must recognize the emotional lag of their spouse. This isn’t just about giving them time; it’s about offering them the space to process, grieve, and start packing their own psychological parachute.
Divorce is not just a legal process; it’s an emotional one that requires both partners to be on somewhat equal footing for it to proceed peacefully.
Rushing into the logistics of divorce without allowing for this emotional adjustment can lead to conflict and disruption. The partner who is ready to jump must resist the urge to pull the other up to their level of readiness. Instead, they should extend understanding, knowing that it took them time to reach this point, and their spouse deserves the same. This doesn’t mean delaying the inevitable indefinitely.
Instead, it’s about pacing the process so that both partners are emotionally prepared to face the realities of divorce together. By allowing the slower partner time to adjust, they’re more likely to approach the practical aspects of the divorce with a clearer head and a calmer heart.
In the end, the goal is for both partners to feel as though they’re equipped to jump out of the plane, with parachutes that will open and carry them safely to the ground.
Divorce, when handled with empathy and patience, doesn’t have to be a freefall. It can be a controlled descent, where both people land safely, ready to start their new lives.
